Thought of the day...

To avoid feelings like that of the post below, here's an idea of how to avoid missing someone:

Don't stay home alone
.... on Friday night
.... with a bottle of wine
.... while watching 'Say Yes to the Dress'

Cloudy Days

Let’s be honest here.  I’m doing great since my breakup.  I’ve reconnected with old friends; I’ve intentionally subjected myself to uncomfortable situations in the hopes of learning something; I’ve taken the route of looking at the positive side of things.  Overall, I’ve actually been pretty good.  But you know what? It’s not all sunshine and roses.  Sometimes I miss him.  Sometimes I have an awful day and there’s nothing more that I want then a hug from someone who cares about me.  Girl hugs are good, but guy hugs are great.  They envelop you.  They make you feel safe.  They make you feel like everything is going to be okay.

Do I call him? No.  Do I text him? No.  Is it hard? Yes. 

Do I feel like this every day? No.  But I’m human.  And I miss him.  Sometimes. 

Then I ask myself, “Do I miss him? Or so I just miss someone? “I don’t know… I guess that’s the purpose of this journey.  Only time will tell…

Company's Coming...

As mentioned in my last post, I needed to get my chairs finished for my next challenge.  Well, my challenge was to host a dinner party!  If you may not know, I am not exactly a culinary enthusiast.  In fact, most of what I eat now comes in a can, box, or a bag.  Luckily, I really like KD, and Beefaroni, and frozen pizza.  So to say this was a challenge was somewhat of an understatement (or so I thought). Now, of the four girls that I had over, 3 of them work in event marketing and the other one has her own business.  That being said, I was anticipating finding a date that worked for everyone to be somewhat of tricky endeavor, but fortunately enough, Thursday night at 8pm seemed to work for everyone!

Now comes the menu planning…  One of the girls just finished reading Skinny Bitch by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin and has since decided to try out the life of a vegetarian. (Which by the way, if you’re interested in becoming a veggie but just need an extra push to really convince you, I suggest you reading this book.  Another girl actually became a vegan after reading it!)  So meat on my menu was out (relief for the girl who knows how to cook no meat except chicken).  I’m pretty sure that leaves only pasta and vegetables.  Perfect.  Here’s what the menu consisted of:

Starter: Grape tomato bruschetta

Salad: Arugula with fresh shaved parmesan cheese and a homemade dressing

Main: Pasta shells stuffed with spinach, ricotta, and parmesan cheese

Dessert: Pumpkin pie, and chocolate cake

I think the reason that I am so hesitant to come to enjoy the art of cooking, is that it just seems so stressful!  You only have one oven and one stovetop but somehow, you need to get the timing just right so that everything is served piping hot! Well, upon starting this challenge, I decided to just prep everything I could in the afternoon so that when the company came, I was actually spending time with them and not in the kitchen getting tomato sauce in my hair.  So I was able to cook the bruschetta, slice the bread, make a dressing, and put together the stuffing all before the first knock on my door.  (You may have noticed that I didn’t mention that pie or cake… Those came out of boxes…)

But I have to tell you, I thought this challenge would help me get out of my comfort zone and try to cook something I normally wouldn’t cook, and that would be the end of it.  Turns out, knowing that I could cook a meal and entertain was not the lesson that I took away.  Spending that time with good friends, laughing, sharing stories, telling jokes, and being around good people that you really care about was the biggest thing that I took away from this dinner.  How could I ever have thought that my friends were just my friends?? Your friends are you support system, your advice givers, and your place where you find solace. 

There are many times when we (especially women), get into a new relationship, and focus all of our energies and attentions on that new guy.  I think when this happens, your friends get it; we’ve all been there before.  But I think when it eventually becomes habitual to just see your friends when you and your man have nothing going on, is when you start cheating yourself out of experiencing something wonderful.  A boyfriend can bring you companionship, love, familiarity, support, and comfort, but I’ve come to realize that he just can’t give you what your friends can.  A friend can give you all the things I’ve just mentioned, but so much more.  I can’t describe it, but I know it’s true.  And I wasn't the only one who felt/thought this.  When the dinner party was wrapping up, we call kind of looked and each other, and were like “This is AWESOME”.  We decided to make it a regular occurrence.  Every second Thursday, we’re going to get together and eat, drink, and be merry.

I’ll end this blog post with a toast:

To friends and

rediscovered truths;

To laughter and encouragement.

To love lost and love found.

To inspiration,

support,

and advice

DIY

So this past weekend I decided to do something I’ve never done before.  I real DIY project from start to finish!

In preparation for a new challenge that I’m tackling this coming week, I needed some chairs.  A little background:  When I first moved out on my own 7 years ago, I was in the process of acquiring all the furniture needed to make a house feel cozy.  I went onto Sears’ website and picked out a bedroom set, made my way down to the local furniture store and picked up a coffee table and two end tables, and luckily got a FANTASTIC deal on a couch and love seat.  (If you’re in the market for some new furniture, I highly suggest you check out Leon’s at 20 McLevin Ave in Scarborough… They have a HUGE as-is section at the back of the store with tons of furniture from couches, headboards, tables, etc.  Anyways, I got my couch and love seat from there for $150 total!  Just because it was delivered to a house but didn’t fit in the space; nothing wrong with it at all!)  Ahh.. I digress.  So the only thing missing that I needed was a dining room table.  At the time, my step-brother worked for The Brick and called me to tell me that they got a solid wood dining room table shipped to them, and it had 4 chairs, but only 2 seat cushions.  Did I want it? For free? YES! 

So for the past 7 years, I’ve been lucky (?) enough to have dining rooms that weren’t big enough to need 4 chairs around the table.  As I mentioned though, this coming Thursday I will need all four chairs.  So I got to work… I took one chair apart in order to get the seat off (for measurements) and made my way to Fabricland and Home Depot.

I wasn’t able to find the exact same shade of fabric that my other seats were in, so I picked something out that was in the same colour and fabric family.  I then picked up some high density foam for the seats (which by the way, is NOT cheap), and off I was to Home Depot for the plywood bottom and all the nuts and screws and bolts that I needed.  I was shocked when I got to Home Depot and gave them the current seat and told them that I needed this shape (kind of a trapezoid), and they told me I needed a jigsaw.  A what??  I don’t have one of those…  Good thing for family!  One of my cousins wants to go to school for carpentry, so I shot him a quick bbm and he assured me that he could totally do that – Score!!  Not to mention, that my other cousin, his sister, is a huge DIY’er and she knows how to do pretty much everything.  So I got to work.  Cutting foam, wrapping fabric, stapling batting, until it was complete!

Ahhh… I  wish this story ended on one of those positive notes that I did it and it was amazing, and that my dining room table set is now complete. Not the case.  I got home full of positive energy and determination and the will to DO IT!  The first disappointment came when I realized I didn’t have all the pieces that I needed.  Somehow, over the past 7 years, I lost ONE piece of wood necessary to hold the whole chair together.  Bummer.  But I didn’t let it get me down.. I still had another shot… For the last chair, I still had all the pieces and the seat that I just made and all new screws and stuff.  3 out of 4 ain’t bad right?  Ughh.. Well, it started at Home Depot when I showed the man the type of screw I needed and he said that I had a metric not imperial (or the other way around)… Anyways, because of this whole thing, I got a screw that needed a wrench instead of a screwdriver.. Which led to this email to my dad below:

Hey Dad,

So the screw things that I bought for the chairs aren’t the kind that you need a screwdriver for… You have to turn them with the adjustable wrench thing… But they’re in a small space, so I can turn it like ½ a turn every time… You know that tool that you have (I think it’s called a ratchet), that you turn it then it makes a click-y noise when we bring it back around?  Can you bring that over like Tuesday or Wednesday? I need to put these chairs together by Thursday but going at this pace, I’ll be here till next year!!!

Soooo… I’ll let you know how it goes.. If no chairs, Thursday’s activity may have to be done on the floor.  Which, since I have a dog, may not be...interesting.  Stay tuned J

I'll probably eat the WHOLE cake... It's my birthday!

Well, it’s my birthday!!  I wasn’t going to blog today because I really got nothing going on, but I’ll take this opportunity to blog about stuff.  Nothing really noteworthy comes after this paragraph… No insight, no inspiration… Just me.. talking… Haha

So my day started off as well as could be expected…I woke up to the incessant buzzing of my alarm clock.  I booted up my computer, flung through some junk mail, ate my Honey Nut Cheerios, took the dog for a walk, and got on my way to work.  (Pretty typical, right?  Nothing “birthdayish” here…)

So I had to change that.  Given that today is my special day, I figured that I would change my daily mantra of “Strength, Patience, Courage”.  For today only, I gave myself permission to repeat the following: “Screw budgeting.  It’s my birthday.  Splurge”.  Turns out that that is really a great motivator to pick up all those key pieces that you’ve wanted for a while, but guilted yourself into not getting.

I’m telling ya… Guys, if you don’t go shopping on a regular basis, you don’t know what you’re missing.  Girls, I know you totally get it.  Such a great high.  I drove home in disgusting 401 traffic, and it didn’t have a thing on me!!  I just sang along to the radio, and mentally starting packing my bags for this weekend.

So I know you’re all wondering what I’m going to do now that I’m single on my birthday!! (ok, maybe a little presumptuous J)  Well, sorry to disappoint, but today is kind of like any other day… the only difference is what I do the night of my birthday!! Oh yaa.. (don’t get too excited here).. If I was writing this blog on my 21^st birthday it would probably have something to do with dressing scandalously, going out, doing shots, and picking up boys… On my 26^th however, I will be going to the Pickle Barrel with my Grandma.  And I’m really excited to do this; I love the Pickle Barrel!

If I’m being honest, the real reason I’m excited to do this is the fact that it just seems like so much work to get ready and go out on a worknight.  And then there’s the inevitable hangover the next day that follows you around like an annoying little sibling that won’t stop poking you.

So, that being said, I’ll likely go out this weekend and have a drink too many... The next day, I’ll just dose the kid with Advil till he shuts up and goes to sleep.

Thank you all for reading my blog and making me feel so good on my birthday!! J  xoxo

A Path to Self Discovery...

So with all these “challenges” so far under my belt, I thought it would be a good time to do some self reflection.  Knowing that I’ve got through some embarrassing/awkward/feel-good experiences has given me an increased sense of determination to get to where I want to go; figuring out who I am and what I want. 

Now, before I go and follow the Dr.Phil plan or anything like that, I thought I would first do things my way and try to figure out whatever I could on my own before starting any sort of workbook.

I thought I’d start off with something that may seem pretty simple to a lot of people.  I started with a “Like/Dislike” list.  I literally wrote down everything that I could think of that I liked (from food, to looks, to feelings, and seasons).   I then wrote down all the things that I don’t like, using the same random format. I was actually surprised to see how my list came out.  A lot of people tell me that I play the devil’s advocate which is true, but I thought that made a little more of a negative person…  Turns out my “like’s” outweigh by “dislikes” times 3! After putting these things down on paper, I literally thought to myself, why do you stress over the small stuff so much??  There are so many more things that you like and enjoy in this world, than things that you don’t.  I have to say, that actually putting into words, and seeing before me what is in this world that makes me happy and makes me sad, gives me a feel-good feeling.

My second attempt at an exercise to try to get to know myself came about by accident.  I was out at lunch with a friend and we got to talking about relationships and the good, bad, and ugly.  We started talking about what we each other thought were “deal breakers” and “deal makers”.  A lot of people can tell you what they don’t want in a person… smoker, drug user, short person, a drinker, etc. etc.  But do you know what you do want in a person?  It’s not as easy to just take the opposite of what you don’t want…  It’s the little things that you want, right? The things that aren’t as easy to put into words?  I challenge you to put them into words.  It was more difficult for me than I thought it would be… is it for you?

This conversation inevitably led to the question… Well, since you made a list of things that you want and don’t want in a partner, what are the things, both good and bad, that you bring to the table?  Well, well, well…. At that point in the conversation, I could rhyme off a number of negative things that I bring to the table, but the first thoughts that came to my mind when asked about the good things I brought, consisted of things that two people create together (ie: love, companionship, family, etc.).  What exactly was it that I brought to the table, on my own, that would lend itself to a happy, healthy, relationship?  Unfortunately, at that moment, I couldn’t think of a thing! (** Which only proves why I should be on a path to self discoveryJ)  Fortunately, the food came, and that particular topic of conversation fell to the wayside. 

It did not however, fall out of my thoughts.  I will admit, that I am still working on that list, and it’s not being completed in one day. But my hope is that the more I learn about who I am, through being in new situations, experiences different things, and focusing on myself, I’ll be able to put together a list, not of who I’m expected to be, or who I think I am, but a list of who I truly am and what qualities I possess.

Then I'll bring them to the table.

Table for One

The Challenge: Dine solo at a fine dining restaurant.  The rules: No book, no phone.

Now, before I go into how this challenge turned out, I feel I should first tell you what the point of it was.  When I told people this is what I was doing, I got a couple of mixed reactions.. Some people thought that this was a great idea and totally be something that I would never do, had I had a boyfriend.  Others didn’t really understand it – ‘shouldn’t this be a time where you hang out and go for dinner with your friends? Not alone?’

The point of this challenge was to put myself in an uncomfortable and awkward situation, without any sort of crutch (ie: novel or phone), get through it on my own, and hopefully feel good about it afterwards.

So. The restaurant that I picked was called Dimmi’s in Yorkville.  I had never been there before but a friend recommended it, and it was definitely a good choice.  Before I go into what happened when I got there, I’ll just say that getting ready to go on a date with yourself is so weird… As I’m in full concentration mode, looking in the mirror and doing my mascara, I just break out laughing! What am I doing?? Hahaha

Once I arrive, it’s pretty much just as you’d expect; the host is looking at me and then kind of behind me, realizes that nobody’s following me, and says “Hi..”  That’s my cue.  Table for one, please.

This next part is seriously not a joke.  He says to me “Where would you like to sit?  I can sit you here with my nephew if you’d like, or you can sit a little further back in the dining room”  Are you kidding me?! This nephew is about 8 years old, has a million little trinket toys in front of him and is absorbed in his Nintendo DS.. You think I want to sit with him??  I kindly point to the inside of the restaurant, for fear of little Johnny may get his feelings hurt.

Turns out it wasn’t the nephew’s feelings I’d be hurting.. Apparently is was the host, because he sat me right in the corner!  Agh, my plan is squashed!  Do you know how hard it is to eavesdrop from a corner?? (This was going to be how I entertained myself and passed the time)

Somehow throughout the night, I ended up having 3 waiters.. Not too sure how this happened.. but I think they were overcompensating a little.. Maybe they thought I was a critic?  I did have my notepad beside me to jot down some emotions/feelings/things that I experienced so that I wouldn’t forget for my blog..  And I also asked them to take a picture of me (not embarrassing at all)  Hmm.. don’t know.

Fortunately, I didn’t get a lot of awkward stares.. Like, people wondering if I was waiting for a date or something – so surprising! 

Best Parts of taking yourself out on a date:

·         I can eat all the bread I want

·         There’s never a silence that needs to be filled

·         Instead of them just bringing your main course to you, they ask you if you’re “ready” for it (Common? Not sure.. Don’t do the fine dining thing too often)

·         The meal – OMG, if you like Italian food, you’re going to want to check this place out (**I have to admit, I often crave KD, so heed my advice at your own discretion!)

Worst Parts of taking yourself out on a date:

·         There’s nobody to tell you if you have food in your teeth

·         You don’t have the option of going Dutch

·         You end up eating more than normal (There’s not really much to do, so to keep busy, you just keep eating)

Overall, this was a really good experience.  As the bill came, I almost couldn’t keep from smiling (at the risk of looking like a crazy person smiling at nothing).  I’ve just done something that I would never have done (on purpose) had I had a boyfriend.

It was a weird, awkward, new experience and it was pretty cool.  I don’t know how often I’ll do it, but I suggest you try it; just once.