Yes.. I went there... And I'm not going back...

Ok, so this is probably going to turn out to one of the longest posts I’ve written, but I assure you, it is one of the best.

Last night I went on 14 blind dates.  Yes, you read correctly.. 14.  Where do I find 14 blind dates you ask?  Why, speed dating of course.  So let’s back this train up a bit and give some background.  A couple people had previously mentioned to me that speed dating could be one of my challenges that I could take on, and who knows.. I could maybe even meet someone.  Now to be honest, my thoughts on speed dating can pretty much be summed up by the picture below:

It turns out, the venue was really nice, the lighting was soft, and it wasn’t just a line of people across the table from each other.  There was a lounge and each “couple” had a table or couch with a number on it.  Basically, the women stay seated and the men move from table to table.  How it works is at the beginning of the night the host gives you a card and tells you to write down the people’s names that you meet and then when your 6 minutes is up with each person, you tick ‘yes’ or ‘no’ beside their name.  If two people both say ‘yes’ to each other, then they’re set up to have more face time together. 

So now that we all know how this works, let’s get on with it….  First, our outfits:  Hot right??

Yes, I went with a friend.  Was not gonna attempt this one solo.

For date #1 through #3 I was still kind of getting my bearings and figuring out how to answer the question “so what do you do in your spare time?”… Like really? Nothing!  I’d rather diet than go to the gym, I’d rather be sleeping than playing any sports, and I’d rather have a glass of wine than take up jogging.  Ahh I digress… So for the first 3 dates, I don’t really remember anything specific about them… Starting with #4 is when I decided that I could not continue without writing something down about them to let the whole world know just what I had to sit through…  Take a look below for highlights…

#4

Me: So what do you for a living?

Him: Well, I just got off probation.

Me: Pardon? (get me the eff outta here now!!)

Him: Well….I was on probation for 3 months

Me: (Starting to clue in).. You mean, the first 3 month probationary period at your job??

Him: Yea, that’s what I meant

#5 – Student. Enough said.

#6 – Student.  Again.  Seriously, what students go speed dating?  Answer that question, then put a visual to it.  That’s what he looked like.

#7 – The Russian.  Drinking straight vodka. 

#8

Me: Hi, my name is Kristy, nice to meet you

Him: Hi, good to meet you too.  What are your expectations?

Me:  Excuse me? My expectations for what? Tonight?

Him: Sure. What are your expectations for tonight?

Me: Nothing.  (given that the past 42 minutes have been a complete waste of my life)

#9 – The gamer.  For real.  He designs video games for a living.     …next!

#10

Him: (as he’s writing my name on his sheet) Geez, this pen has been very tempermental all night.

Me: Ahh.. ya, they can sometimes be a bit tricky! (wtf?)  Did ya get that working there?  Great.

Him: So what do you do?

Me: I tell him, then ask him the same question.

Him:  Well, I have a great job!  I just got promoted to a supervisory position and now I have people working under me. 

Me: Congrats.  Sounds good.  So what exactly is it that you do?

Him:  I work as a security guard.  At an apartment building.  I tried to become a police officer and went to college for it, but when I wrote the tests, I failed them.  Twice.  But it’s not so bad, cause I love my job now.

#11 – Works in the IT department and rarely gets out.  (his words, not mine)

#12 - #13 – These guys weren’t too bad… Just pretty normal.. but nothing to write home blog about

#14 – Let me preface this by saying that this actually really was my last date.  I couldn’t have planned it better myself.

Me:  So do you do this kinda thing often?

Him: Oh yeah, I do this all the time.

Me: Really?...  So I guess you find it successful then? (There’s no way this guy is successful…he’s about as cute as a old brick wall)

Him: Ya I have success here, but if you really want to get some good results, you need to go online.

Me: Hmm?

Him: Oh ya!  I’ll tell you all the best sites!  Here, write them down… He then proceeded to tell me how amazing internet dating is and had me write down 3 of the top sites (which were all free sites by the way)

Me: Um, wow.  That’s great.  Thanks for the info…

So there it is folks.  I shit you not.  I could not make this stuff up.