Commandment #1 – Know Thyself
What a simple concept. Most of us think that we know ourselves fairly well. When we’re single and immersed in the dating life, we know what’s important to us, what we’re looking for, what we’ll stand for and what we won’t. That confidence and drive is what makes us oh-so-attractive to the opposite sex. It also makes us feel good about ourselves.
Frequently, when we get into a long term relationship with someone, we pick up some of their traits, habits, jargon, and mannerisms. And in turn, they do the same. You both make concessions and compromises and eventually fall into a comfortable routine wherein you become a twosome rather than a one+one.
Which brings me to my next point…
Commandment #2 – Keep Thyself
All too often, when we become the said twosome, we lose our “one”. Along the way, the once witty, charming, fun person we once were becomes someone who would rather sit on the couch than go somewhere with no direction in mind. A comment we would once laugh at, or have an immediate retort to, becomes just another remark that requires nothing more than a glance and an eye-roll. Although this person looks and sounds unfamiliar to you, you know that these actions and these words are coming out of your mouth.
So you rationalize, you make excuses; You have responsibilites now. People grow up. People change. We can't all possibly be the same person we were 2, 5, 10 years ago.
When the ex and I broke up I took a hard look at myself and realized I didn’t like the contemptuous, boring, drab person I had become. Who was I? Where was that person that I used to love? Where did all that confidence go?
Although I’ve never felt my heart break into as many pieces as it did when we broke up, I’m so happy it happened. It allowed me to see that I dropped off along the way and gave me the chance to not only remember who I was, but the opportunity to get me back.
Although concessions and compromises will still be made and the conformability and routine will eventually return, this time I’m coming too.