No Longer a Virgin..

I'm so excited!! I'm no longer an award virgin! The lovely Simmarah over at The Dating Ritual just gave me the Stylin' Award!  Fun, right?  This is my first so I'm pretty pumped.

Now here are the rules that I need to follow in order to accept this award.

• 1. Present seven things about yourself.
• 2. Name about a half-dozen bloggers you think deserve the award. Contact those people.
• 3. Create a link back to the person who gave you the honor.

Let the fun begin!:
7 things

- I dont have my ears pierced
- I graduated college before I could legally go to the bar
- I have a ridiculous addiction to shopping
- On average I read about a book every week
- I have next to zero patience
- Growing up, I moved 13 times in 11 years
- I'm dating my mom's best friends' son

Now for those I choose to give the award to... drum roll please....


Tales of a London City Girl
Across the Pond
Sex and the Shitty
Miss Melissa
Absolutely Narcissism
The Boyfriend Whisperer


Thanks again Simmarah! Make sure you all check out the blogs above - my faves for sure!



xoxo

Kristy

Relationship Commandments

Commandment #1 – Know Thyself

What a simple concept.  Most of us think that we know ourselves fairly well.  When we’re single and immersed in the dating life, we know what’s important to us, what we’re looking for, what we’ll stand for and what we won’t.  That confidence and drive is what makes us oh-so-attractive to the opposite sex.  It also makes us feel good about ourselves.

Frequently, when we get into a long term relationship with someone, we pick up some of their traits, habits, jargon, and mannerisms.  And in turn, they do the same.  You both make concessions and compromises and eventually fall into a comfortable routine wherein you become a twosome rather than a one+one.

Which brings me to my next point…

Commandment #2 – Keep Thyself

All too often, when we become the said twosome, we lose our “one”.  Along the way, the once witty, charming, fun person we once were becomes someone who would rather sit on the couch than go somewhere with no direction in mind.  A comment we would once laugh at, or have an immediate retort to, becomes just another remark that requires nothing more than a glance and an eye-roll.  Although this person looks and sounds unfamiliar to you, you know that these actions and these words are coming out of your mouth. 

So you rationalize, you make excuses;  You have responsibilites now. People grow up.  People change.  We can't all possibly be the same person we were 2, 5, 10 years ago.

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When the ex and I broke up I took a hard look at myself and realized I didn’t like the contemptuous, boring, drab person I had become.  Who was I? Where was that person that I used to love?  Where did all that confidence go?

Although I’ve never felt my heart break into as many pieces as it did when we broke up, I’m so happy it happened.  It allowed me to see that I dropped off along the way and gave me the chance to not only remember who I was, but the opportunity to get me back.

Although concessions and compromises will still be made and the conformability and routine will eventually return, this time I’m coming too.

(wo)mans best friend

I'm feeling a little uninspired lately... I got no material... Not really much to blog about

The girls and I had our bi-weekly dinner date last night which was inspired by a previous "challenge" and has been going strong ever since.  I love these dinner dates.. A place where we can all get together and get/give advice on careers, boyfriends, life, and the pros and cons of shaving/waxing/laser treatment.

Kristina has a birthday coming up and we're all planning on celebrating next Saturday night.. There was talk of what to do, where to go and what the theme should be.  We decided that hooker was the theme of the night (this was a suggestion by Lisa saying that she took inspiration from Kristina's typical night-out getup.. much to Kristina's dismay I might add!)

So that should be a good night.. I don't know what rock these girls have been living under, but they said they've never chatted up a guy to get a free drink(s). Really?!  (I apologize to my male readers but if you're silly enough to think that buying me drinks will land me in your bed, then I am going to take full advantage of you). I smell a challenge coming up for next Saturday :)

My other bestie was also present last night. After dressing him up to look like a little babushka (note: no, I do not know what the word means, but I just love it) I decided that he was just too cute NOT to share with you all!

So behold the CUTEST dog ever:

Down Time

Sometimes the best nights are those in which you can curl up in your softest snuggie blanket, put on some easy listening, brew a cup of tea (or more favourably, pour a glass of wine), and get completely enthralled in your new favourite book.

One of my favourite pastimes is reading.  Put a book in front of me and chances are you will not hold my attention for very long.

It’s funny... you’re either a reader or not a reader.  Those who read get into their books and the characters and the story and can’t wait to pick it up again where they left off.  Those who don’t read simply can’t understand why you wouldn’t just watch a movie.  To them, I explain that reading is like watching a movie in your head... you get to imagine all the characters, the scenes, and it can last much longer than an hour and half.  (From that description, I usually just get an eyebrow raise and a response such as “Riiight.. I think I’ll just watch a movie”).

So for you fellow boring people that would rather spend time reading that pumping iron at the gym intellects, I bring to you a list of some of my favourite books.  If you have read some of the books below and you can think of some that I should read, please comment and let me know!

(These aren’t in any order.. just where they were on my bookshelf)

Little Women – Louisa May Alcott

Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte

The Help – Kathryn Stockett

East of Eden – John Steinbeck

Sarah’s Key – Tatiana De Rosnay

The Book of Negroes – Lawrence Hill

The Glass Castle – Jeanette Walls

Little Bee – Chris Cleave

Water for Elephants – Sara Gruen

Still Alice – Lisa Genova

Princess – Jean Sasson

The Forgotten Garden – Kate Morton

Oh, and by the way, there’s this really cool app on Facebook called Visual Bookshelf that allows you to search and rate the books that you’ve read.  And if any of your other friends have the app you can see what they’re reading as well and read any reviews that they’ve wrote. It’s pretty cool actually J

Happy Reading!

Dear Diary

Diary of a 6-year old

Dear Diary,

Today was good. Mom let me ware my new barete and even put my hair in 2 pigtails. Yes yes yes I love pigtails! The bad stuff about today was I was on the swings at resses and mary was pushing me relly relly high and I was having SO much fun then I got of and mary and me went 2 to the sand boxs and tommy and all his gross frends were there and tommy ran over and puled my pigtails and then my haire lookd bad and my barete came out and I cryed.  When I got home mommmy told me that tommy likes me cos he pulleded my hair and thats how you no that boys like you.  But if he likes me how come he pulled my hair?

Diary of a 16-year old

Dear Diary,

OMG OMG OMG Jake is a TOTAL asshole! I cannot believe that I ever liked him! WTF?!  And Steph?? Total slut.  She totally knew that Jake and I were texting and stuff and that at that party last weekend, when I drank wayyy too many vodka/OJ’s, I actually grew a pair and kissed him.  ANNND she knew that he kissed me back!  Then we were kinda hanging out all night and kissing and I thought that this had some real potential.  Jake is so cool.  He’s so grown up (well, he IS a senior!! J J J)   He was wearing American Eagle jeans and had a belt that had a bottle opener on it (!!),  and had his plaid shirt half tucked and was drinking Coors Light… swoon..!

So anyways, Steph totally knows all this, and she ALSO knows that since Monday, Jake has not even talked to me.. Like, he’s pretty cool and pretty popular and I know he’s got a lot of friends and stuff and can’t say hi to everyone in the hall, but whatever, I just knew that he was going to talk to me to today. UNTIL I saw him during 3^rd period making out with Steph in the hall!! I didn’t know what to do. I froze.  Then I guess they saw me when they came up for air (puke), and when we made eye contact, I ran. Like a baby.  As if!!!!! I totally should have told them both to go screw themselves!

THEN, at the end of the day and I’m waiting for the bus behind the school, Jake comes over to talk to me.  He told me that he was only doing that to make me jealous and how come I never talked to him this week? And that he’s having a party this weekend and we wants ME to go!!  Yes!!

Diary of a 26-year old

Dear Diary,

Sometimes I just don’t understand Jonathan.  We’ve been together for long enough that he should want to move in with me.  I don’t want to put any more pressure on him and push him away, but I’m ready to move on to the next step.  It’s strange.  It’s like he wants to still hang on to his youth and not grow up.  He still lives with roommates!  And it’s really not a big deal.. Until he has a serious girlfriend for two years.  Then it just becomes a nuisance.  Does he not want space? Privacy? 

I know that he wants to be with me.  He does really nice things and has introduced me to all his family and friends, and we talk about the future and where we should go on vacation next year.  But when we talk about anything involving the two of us moving in together, or getting married, he completely clams up! Why? It’s not like he’s 23 or anything.. He’s pushing 30!

I just don’t understand.  What do I do?  Does he just want to be with me right now? He says, no of course not; he definitely sees me in his future. 

I don’t know.

If it’s true that men are such beasts, this must account for the fact that most women are animal lovers. ~ Doris Day

The Power of Familiarity

Quick question – how do you all feel about your girlfriend or boyfriend’s ex?

If you ask me, I say they’re bad news.  I simply cannot understand those people that are in a relationship that say “oh yeah, my ex and I are great friends.  My boyfriend/girlfriend is totally cool with it”.  Why?!  I don’t understand.  How are they ok with it?

I’m of the opinion that once you enter a new relationship, all ties with the ex should be cut off (exception:  if the two if you have baggage together – kids, house, dog, etc.  If so, any communication should be about that only).  Does this sound like I’m a crazy, jealous girlfriend?  Maybe.  Ok, it might.  But I think I’m just being logical.

You think you know your boyfriend/girlfriend?  Better than anyone else?  Think again.  There’s someone else that knows them just as well as you do, if not more.  Just like you, they know:

·         What turns them on

·         What turns them off

·         Where they like to be kissed

·         How to get them to open up

·         What their dreams, hopes and fears are

Hypothetically of course, put yourself in a room with your ex.  If you really wanted to hook up with him/her that night, do you think you could do it?  Do you think you could be persuasive enough, to say and do the right thing to get them to go home with you? My bet is yes.

I’m just sayin… The random hottie standing at the bar?  Probably not worth getting agitated over. 

The ex, however?  Well I can’t say I’ve ever heard of them being good news.

The Chicken or The Egg?

Good news – I have a computer again and I’m baaack!!

Bad news – I have a couple weeks’ worth of blogs to post

--------------------------------------------

So as you know, my blog is gonig to take a little bit of a different direction now.  Although the ex and I still haven’t defined anything regarding the details of our relationship (living situations (you’ll recall that he bought a house in a different city), our future, etc.), we have agreed that we’ll be seeing each other exclusively.

I’m feeling really happy about this.  This is working for us right now.  I’ve decided that I’m just going to take it as it comes… no more trying to control my life and living by some sort of “societal clock” that must dictate what comes first and second and when.  And let’s be honest, him and I haven’t really done things by the book in the first place.  We started by living together and then getting into a serious relationship... And now 3-1/2 years later, we’re finally dating.

Since we’ve started talking again, he’s shown to me that he really can be the person that I need him to be.  Yes, I have considered that his may be the “woo-ing” phase and he’s got to do something fantastic to get me back, but I don’t think all these little things are it.

The things that he’s doing this time around aren’t things that he stopped doing at some point during our relationship, but things that he started doing now… because I told him that’s what I needed and he listened.

Don’t get me wrong… We have told each other before the things that we both needed from each other that we weren’t getting, but by the time this conversation was had, we were holding so much resentment towards each other (because they “should have known”), and it was just easier to chalk it up to “hmph… well this is me and I shouldn’t have to change; love me for who I am”. Looking back now I realize how lazy, silly, and completely untrue that is.  The things that we needed from each other weren’t personality altering characteristics, but simple things like: for me – him holding my hand; for him – me not reading before bed.  It seems so trivial now that these two things allotted for the majority of our arguments.  I do understand now that these were the “topics” and not the “issues” (thank you Dr. Phil!).  The issue comes down to the fact that we were both so tit-for-tat that we wouldn’t do something for the other unless the other did something for us. 

Beneath that, communication… or lack thereof.  For instance, whenever we got in an argument, we didn't speak to each other for about 24 hours.  And we lived together.  This is not an exaggeration.  We just didn’t talk it out.  24 hours later we were both calmed down and went on like it never happened.

Disclaimer: Granted, we’re still going to do things that bug each other (like me leaving my purse on the floor and him inevitably stepping on the buckle, and him using an inordinate amount of butter when he cooks, and me inevitably gaining a new roll).

The good news is we’re talking now.  Making a concentrated effort to communicate to each other what we’re feeling and/or thinking.  So far, it’s working.

Side note: I heard this the other day… Women in a relationship need to feel connected in order to be intimate; Men in a relationship need to be intimate in order to feel connected.  So what comes first? The chicken or the egg?

I'll be back!

I know I haven't posted in a while.. but rest assured.. I'm just out of a computer for a while but have written down (literally.. pen and paper!) some really great posts.

I've got a lot of updates for you!!

xo
Kristy

Chub-a-lub

Recently, I've been getting a little too friendly with frozen pizza, quesadillas, and pasta.

This has (as I knew it would inevitably would) let me to gain a new roll.  Fawwk.. It's not like my pizza didn't have spinach on it, and my pasta didn't have veggies in it.  WTF?

I mentioned very briefly in a past post that I am just not big on exercising.  I would rather be doing anything else.  I'm also not that big on dieting (I get very cranky when I'm hungry).  Well then, what do I do?? How do I get rid of this extra roll?
I know!! NO MORE JUNK FOOD!

Ok, done.  No more junk food... So now, please excuse me while I go eat all the junk food in my house so I can start my "diet".  :)

Risk vs. Reward

I wrote recently in a past post about the ex and I talking again.

Well the other night I had my monthly get-together with my group of girlfriends and filled them in on what’s happening.  Needless to say, they were less than happy about what’s going on right now.  God bless them, they are definitely looking out for my best interests and hoping that I don’t get hurt again.  These girls are amazing. They were there for me when I was a complete puddle of a mess after our break up and without them, I probably could not have gotten through it as well as I did. (So to those of you who are reading.. THANK YOU! J)

That being said, they are very hesitant to taking a positive view of him and I talking again.  They told me not to make it so easy for him to get me back again.  They told me that I’m ignoring all the bad and remembering all the good.  They told me that even though they’re sure I’m going to get hurt again, and they’ll undoubtedly be there for me, I’m making a mistake.

However, the good friends that they are, they also told me that it’s my “mistake” to make and that I just need to see this through in order to see their point of view.

My problem however is weighing the risk vs. the reward.  If the risk is taking the chance (and things working out well), isn’t that worth the reward in the end?

If things don’t work out well, is it still worth the reward?  At least that way, I’ll know for sure that we both gave it another shot and it just didn’t work.  If we didn’t… wouldn’t we always be wondering?

He told me the other night the real reason for our breakup.  It was an eye-opener if there ever was one.  After 3 years, I was putting the pressure on… The talk of the not coming upcoming proposal, buying a house, having kids, etc.  It scared him off.  He ran.  Could I have known this?  I think not.  Would most people think that after 3 years this would be the natural course of progression? I think so.  But he is a rational person.  He thinks things through.  He wants to be prepared.

Now I really need to think… The fact that I am ready to think of these things…  The fact that he has told me he’s not ready…but that he’s regretted his decision to break up… Does that mean because I am willing to see him again, that I am willing to accept him regardless of this?  Or does it mean that he is willing to accept me regardless of this?

We’ve had the discussion of “what we are” and we’ve both decided that we’re not going to label anything.  Labels add pressure and that’s the last thing we need right now.  For now, we’re enjoying each other’s company and laughing a lot. 

Given that I suck at dating and just don’t know how to do it, I won’t be dating anyone else during this time of “the unknown”.  I guess it’s just a guilty conscience… How could I have a great Friday night dinner with him, and then go have a great Saturday night dinner with someone else?

At this point, even though it may put me in a very vulnerable situation, I think risking the chance of getting hurt again is worth the reward if it means we could be happy together again.

To be continued…

** Pictures of my wonderful friends below (because they love being on my blog J)

                                                                           Danielle

                                                                            Jenn

                                                                           Kristina

                                                                            Lisa

                                                                          Palla

LOVE you girls!! xoxo



Some Solid Advice

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there."

— Bob Marley

The Ex-Factor

Well… Where do I begin?  The ex and I are talking again.  Prior to a week or so ago, we had kept in contact but only for updates on the dog (who has him what weekend), or mail that needed to be picked up.  There was never any discussion of where each of us is at in our lives or anything that would resemble “friendship”.  Don’t get me wrong, I knew that if anything came up and I needed to turn somewhere I could totally turn to him and he would help me in a heartbeat.  I just hadn’t wanted needed to turn to him.  I’ve got other friends and family that I could turn to first.  And if I’m being honest, turning to an ex and asking for help, really goes against the “I’m strong and can make it on my own without you” persona.

Then a week ago happened.  He caught wind sight of me with another boy.  What happened after that was the start of what’s happening now… He was never a jealous person while we were together, but for some reason, it really bothered him that I would move on after we had broken up.  He told me how hurt he was that I could move on after 4 months and that he didn’t think me seeing other people was the best idea. Really? Is there a specific mourning period that I didn’t know about?  My initial reaction was anger.  How dare he make me feel guilty?  I reminded him that HE was the one that left ME and I was moving on with my life.  However, the guilty seed was planted.  I felt awful.  Not that I was out and living my life, but that in doing so I had hurt him.  But I’m over him, right?  Why am I feeling like I need to put his feelings of jealousy and hurt above my feelings of confidence and happiness?  Am I not over him?

This conversation that we were having is what started us talking.  Talking about our past relationship; what was good, what was bad, what broke us up.  Now I’ve never been in this situation before where ex’s start talking again.  I’ve never got back together with an ex or done a postmortem on the relationship.  I’ve always been of the opinion that if something is serious enough to split two people apart, then going back that person is going back to the problem that was big enough to turn your life upside down.

Now however, I can definitely see why people get back together and split up and spend their time yo-yoing up and down.  It’s familiarity, comfort, calmness.  It’s someone being able to look into your eyes for an instant and know every thought that is running through your head.  It’s something that feels so right but that you know is so wrong.  Is it wrong though?  How could it have been right for years, then one day it just turns wrong?

I'm really big on lists.  On writing stuff out and weighing it.  Getting a visual sometimes can give one perspective.

Pros of ex's

• They know you better than a new guy knows you
• You know how good your life could be together
• They kiss you perfectly
• You get start in the middle
• You get a second chance to make things right

Cons of ex's

• You don't get to have the hours of talk and "getting to know you" giddiness that you would have with someone new
• You know that when life got tough, they left.
• You risk the chance of falling back into the same patterns and behaviours

So where does this leave me?  As of right now, I don’t know.  I think this list just confused me even more.  I'm not too sure which way the scales are tipping.  I know that we’re not going to jump into anything again any time soon.  But maybe we both just need some time to think.  And probably talk.