So it's Monday night re-run night on TV, so what to do other than find some good blogs to follow?? As I was skimming through, I found this one... Here's a snippit of "Alice's X's" blogpost... make sure to check her out!!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
So it’s been just over a month and a half since the break-up. I have to admit, at the risk of sounding insensitive, it feels like so much longer. And I’m doing ok.
I think keeping a positive attitude, creating this blog and the project of finding new things to discover have certainly helped. I think when we try to take the time to work on ourselves and dig deep, it can sometimes seem a little boring… “Hello?! Digging deep here and can’t find anything… Alright, that’s enough of that”. I’ve found that there are so many distractions, which compared to doing the hard (some might say boring) work of “self discovery”, it’s almost always easier to give up and do something else.
However, over the past month, I’ve really tried to dedicate myself to being dedicated to me. I’ve made lists and charts, scribbled down whatever I was thinking, written blog posts, participated in deep conversation, and talked to myself (yes, I just admitted that to the world). The crazy part is it has actually helped. Basically, the way I thought of it was this: Imagine you were out on a blind date, and you could ask that person anything at all. (ie: what is the most common emotion that you feel, what makes you want to cry, when was the last time you had not a care in the world, what are the really dirty ugly parts of yourself that nobody else knows, what quality to you have that you rarely show, etc.) Once I started thinking of all the things that I wanted to know about someone, I asked them of myself. And not just all questions that would make me think, but also questions that are really basic.. What’s my favourite colour, what do I love more the most in life, what’s my favourite genre of music, who are my true friends, etc.
Now, don’t get me wrong.. I’m not looking to achieve the esteemed Self-Actualization on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs or needs or anything. I realize that discovering who you are is a life long journey and changes depending on what stage you’re currently at. What I’m really looking to achieve is to know who I am right now. I think I’ve made good progress. In terms of being single however, there’ still some things to be figured out:
What I know:
· how to be a girlfriend
· I’m probably not ready to be a girlfriend
· I want companionship
· I don’t want to be a serial dater
What I don’t know:
· how to date
This leaves me in a little bit of a pickle. How to date? The last time I was actively dating guys, was back in 2005 (prior to that, I was in college and was dating a guy for the first a year and half, and a different guy for the last half year). So that means I was single from age 21-22. Since then… you guessed it; in a freakin relationship.
So I did what any girl does when she’s faced with a problem that she can’t see the solution to – I talked to my girlfriends. I asked each of them to tell me their top 3 tips for dating. Here’s what came up:
· Never talk about ex’s (x3)
· Go in with an open mind (no assumptions) (x2)
· Be yourself (x2)
· Put out on the first date (x2)
· Have full confidence (even if you have to fake it) (X2)
· Don’t wear underwear
· Don’t speak of marriage or future plans
· Bathe and shave
· When there’s a lull in conversation ask him questions
· Don’t date just to date
· Watch for little signs... opening the door, etc.
· Show a little skin
· Don’t get too serious
· Dress comfortable but stylish
· Never date down
· Don’t waste your time if they’re not looking for the same thing you are
· Don’t kiss on the first date
· If you like him, when the bill comes, attempt to reach into your purse. If he likes you, and if he’s not cheap, he’ll pick it up.
· If you like him, talk about your past – but not too much!
· Have fun!
· Don’t over analyze anything post date
· Do something active on a first date
· Smile and be friendly without acting too eager
· Be ok with silences
So where does this leave me? A new challenge perhaps? Possibly a blind date?
I like it. I’ll keep you posted.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
Let’s be honest here. I’m doing great since my breakup. I’ve reconnected with old friends; I’ve intentionally subjected myself to uncomfortable situations in the hopes of learning something; I’ve taken the route of looking at the positive side of things. Overall, I’ve actually been pretty good. But you know what? It’s not all sunshine and roses. Sometimes I miss him. Sometimes I have an awful day and there’s nothing more that I want then a hug from someone who cares about me. Girl hugs are good, but guy hugs are great. They envelop you. They make you feel safe. They make you feel like everything is going to be okay.
Do I call him? No. Do I text him? No. Is it hard? Yes.
Do I feel like this every day? No. But I’m human. And I miss him. Sometimes.
Then I ask myself, “Do I miss him? Or so I just miss someone? “I don’t know… I guess that’s the purpose of this journey. Only time will tell…
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
So this past weekend I decided to do something I’ve never done before. I real DIY project from start to finish!
In preparation for a new challenge that I’m tackling this coming week, I needed some chairs. A little background: When I first moved out on my own 7 years ago, I was in the process of acquiring all the furniture needed to make a house feel cozy. I went onto Sears’ website and picked out a bedroom set, made my way down to the local furniture store and picked up a coffee table and two end tables, and luckily got a FANTASTIC deal on a couch and love seat. (If you’re in the market for some new furniture, I highly suggest you check out Leon’s at 20 McLevin Ave in Scarborough… They have a HUGE as-is section at the back of the store with tons of furniture from couches, headboards, tables, etc. Anyways, I got my couch and love seat from there for $150 total! Just because it was delivered to a house but didn’t fit in the space; nothing wrong with it at all!) Ahh.. I digress. So the only thing missing that I needed was a dining room table. At the time, my step-brother worked for The Brick and called me to tell me that they got a solid wood dining room table shipped to them, and it had 4 chairs, but only 2 seat cushions. Did I want it? For free? YES!
So for the past 7 years, I’ve been lucky (?) enough to have dining rooms that weren’t big enough to need 4 chairs around the table. As I mentioned though, this coming Thursday I will need all four chairs. So I got to work… I took one chair apart in order to get the seat off (for measurements) and made my way to Fabricland and Home Depot.
I wasn’t able to find the exact same shade of fabric that my other seats were in, so I picked something out that was in the same colour and fabric family. I then picked up some high density foam for the seats (which by the way, is NOT cheap), and off I was to Home Depot for the plywood bottom and all the nuts and screws and bolts that I needed. I was shocked when I got to Home Depot and gave them the current seat and told them that I needed this shape (kind of a trapezoid), and they told me I needed a jigsaw. A what?? I don’t have one of those… Good thing for family! One of my cousins wants to go to school for carpentry, so I shot him a quick bbm and he assured me that he could totally do that – Score!! Not to mention, that my other cousin, his sister, is a huge DIY’er and she knows how to do pretty much everything. So I got to work. Cutting foam, wrapping fabric, stapling batting, until it was complete!
Ahhh… I wish this story ended on one of those positive notes that I did it and it was amazing, and that my dining room table set is now complete. Not the case. I got home full of positive energy and determination and the will to DO IT! The first disappointment came when I realized I didn’t have all the pieces that I needed. Somehow, over the past 7 years, I lost ONE piece of wood necessary to hold the whole chair together. Bummer. But I didn’t let it get me down.. I still had another shot… For the last chair, I still had all the pieces and the seat that I just made and all new screws and stuff. 3 out of 4 ain’t bad right? Ughh.. Well, it started at Home Depot when I showed the man the type of screw I needed and he said that I had a metric not imperial (or the other way around)… Anyways, because of this whole thing, I got a screw that needed a wrench instead of a screwdriver.. Which led to this email to my dad below:
So the screw things that I bought for the chairs aren’t the kind that you need a screwdriver for… You have to turn them with the adjustable wrench thing… But they’re in a small space, so I can turn it like ½ a turn every time… You know that tool that you have (I think it’s called a ratchet), that you turn it then it makes a click-y noise when we bring it back around? Can you bring that over like Tuesday or Wednesday? I need to put these chairs together by Thursday but going at this pace, I’ll be here till next year!!!
Soooo… I’ll let you know how it goes.. If no chairs, Thursday’s activity may have to be done on the floor. Which, since I have a dog, may not be...interesting. Stay tuned J