So it’s been just over a month and a half since the break-up. I have to admit, at the risk of sounding insensitive, it feels like so much longer. And I’m doing ok.
I think keeping a positive attitude, creating this blog and the project of finding new things to discover have certainly helped. I think when we try to take the time to work on ourselves and dig deep, it can sometimes seem a little boring… “Hello?! Digging deep here and can’t find anything… Alright, that’s enough of that”. I’ve found that there are so many distractions, which compared to doing the hard (some might say boring) work of “self discovery”, it’s almost always easier to give up and do something else.
However, over the past month, I’ve really tried to dedicate myself to being dedicated to me. I’ve made lists and charts, scribbled down whatever I was thinking, written blog posts, participated in deep conversation, and talked to myself (yes, I just admitted that to the world). The crazy part is it has actually helped. Basically, the way I thought of it was this: Imagine you were out on a blind date, and you could ask that person anything at all. (ie: what is the most common emotion that you feel, what makes you want to cry, when was the last time you had not a care in the world, what are the really dirty ugly parts of yourself that nobody else knows, what quality to you have that you rarely show, etc.) Once I started thinking of all the things that I wanted to know about someone, I asked them of myself. And not just all questions that would make me think, but also questions that are really basic.. What’s my favourite colour, what do I love more the most in life, what’s my favourite genre of music, who are my true friends, etc.
Now, don’t get me wrong.. I’m not looking to achieve the esteemed Self-Actualization on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs or needs or anything. I realize that discovering who you are is a life long journey and changes depending on what stage you’re currently at. What I’m really looking to achieve is to know who I am right now. I think I’ve made good progress. In terms of being single however, there’ still some things to be figured out:
What I know:
· how to be a girlfriend
· I’m probably not ready to be a girlfriend
· I want companionship
· I don’t want to be a serial dater
What I don’t know:
· how to date
This leaves me in a little bit of a pickle. How to date? The last time I was actively dating guys, was back in 2005 (prior to that, I was in college and was dating a guy for the first a year and half, and a different guy for the last half year). So that means I was single from age 21-22. Since then… you guessed it; in a freakin relationship.
So I did what any girl does when she’s faced with a problem that she can’t see the solution to – I talked to my girlfriends. I asked each of them to tell me their top 3 tips for dating. Here’s what came up:
· Never talk about ex’s (x3)
· Go in with an open mind (no assumptions) (x2)
· Be yourself (x2)
· Put out on the first date (x2)
· Have full confidence (even if you have to fake it) (X2)
· Don’t wear underwear
· Don’t speak of marriage or future plans
· Bathe and shave
· When there’s a lull in conversation ask him questions
· Don’t date just to date
· Watch for little signs... opening the door, etc.
· Show a little skin
· Don’t get too serious
· Dress comfortable but stylish
· Never date down
· Don’t waste your time if they’re not looking for the same thing you are
· Don’t kiss on the first date
· If you like him, when the bill comes, attempt to reach into your purse. If he likes you, and if he’s not cheap, he’ll pick it up.
· If you like him, talk about your past – but not too much!
· Have fun!
· Don’t over analyze anything post date
· Do something active on a first date
· Smile and be friendly without acting too eager
· Be ok with silences
So where does this leave me? A new challenge perhaps? Possibly a blind date?
I like it. I’ll keep you posted.