I wrote recently in a past post about the ex and I talking again.
Well the other night I had my monthly get-together with my group of girlfriends and filled them in on what’s happening. Needless to say, they were less than happy about what’s going on right now. God bless them, they are definitely looking out for my best interests and hoping that I don’t get hurt again. These girls are amazing. They were there for me when I was a complete puddle of a mess after our break up and without them, I probably could not have gotten through it as well as I did. (So to those of you who are reading.. THANK YOU! J)
That being said, they are very hesitant to taking a positive view of him and I talking again. They told me not to make it so easy for him to get me back again. They told me that I’m ignoring all the bad and remembering all the good. They told me that even though they’re sure I’m going to get hurt again, and they’ll undoubtedly be there for me, I’m making a mistake.
However, the good friends that they are, they also told me that it’s my “mistake” to make and that I just need to see this through in order to see their point of view.
My problem however is weighing the risk vs. the reward. If the risk is taking the chance (and things working out well), isn’t that worth the reward in the end?
If things don’t work out well, is it still worth the reward? At least that way, I’ll know for sure that we both gave it another shot and it just didn’t work. If we didn’t… wouldn’t we always be wondering?
He told me the other night the real reason for our breakup. It was an eye-opener if there ever was one. After 3 years, I was putting the pressure on… The talk of the
not coming upcoming proposal, buying a house, having kids, etc. It scared him off. He ran. Could I have known this? I think not. Would most people think that after 3 years this would be the natural course of progression? I think so. But he is a rational person. He thinks things through. He wants to be prepared.
Now I really need to think… The fact that I am ready to think of these things… The fact that he has told me he’s not ready…but that he’s regretted his decision to break up… Does that mean because I am willing to see him again, that I am willing to accept him regardless of this? Or does it mean that he is willing to accept me regardless of this?
We’ve had the discussion of “what we are” and we’ve both decided that we’re not going to label anything. Labels add pressure and that’s the last thing we need right now. For now, we’re enjoying each other’s company and laughing a lot.
Given that I suck at dating and just don’t know how to do it, I won’t be dating anyone else during this time of “the unknown”. I guess it’s just a guilty conscience… How could I have a great Friday night dinner with him, and then go have a great Saturday night dinner with someone else?
At this point, even though it may put me in a very vulnerable situation, I think risking the chance of getting hurt again is worth the reward if it means we could be happy together again.
To be continued…
** Pictures of my wonderful friends below (because they love being on my blog J)
LOVE you girls!! xoxo