Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Risk vs. Reward

I wrote recently in a past post about the ex and I talking again.
Well the other night I had my monthly get-together with my group of girlfriends and filled them in on what’s happening.  Needless to say, they were less than happy about what’s going on right now.  God bless them, they are definitely looking out for my best interests and hoping that I don’t get hurt again.  These girls are amazing. They were there for me when I was a complete puddle of a mess after our break up and without them, I probably could not have gotten through it as well as I did. (So to those of you who are reading.. THANK YOU! J)
That being said, they are very hesitant to taking a positive view of him and I talking again.  They told me not to make it so easy for him to get me back again.  They told me that I’m ignoring all the bad and remembering all the good.  They told me that even though they’re sure I’m going to get hurt again, and they’ll undoubtedly be there for me, I’m making a mistake.
However, the good friends that they are, they also told me that it’s my “mistake” to make and that I just need to see this through in order to see their point of view.
My problem however is weighing the risk vs. the reward.  If the risk is taking the chance (and things working out well), isn’t that worth the reward in the end?
If things don’t work out well, is it still worth the reward?  At least that way, I’ll know for sure that we both gave it another shot and it just didn’t work.  If we didn’t… wouldn’t we always be wondering?

He told me the other night the real reason for our breakup.  It was an eye-opener if there ever was one.  After 3 years, I was putting the pressure on… The talk of the not coming upcoming proposal, buying a house, having kids, etc.  It scared him off.  He ran.  Could I have known this?  I think not.  Would most people think that after 3 years this would be the natural course of progression? I think so.  But he is a rational person.  He thinks things through.  He wants to be prepared.
Now I really need to think… The fact that I am ready to think of these things…  The fact that he has told me he’s not ready…but that he’s regretted his decision to break up… Does that mean because I am willing to see him again, that I am willing to accept him regardless of this?  Or does it mean that he is willing to accept me regardless of this?
We’ve had the discussion of “what we are” and we’ve both decided that we’re not going to label anything.  Labels add pressure and that’s the last thing we need right now.  For now, we’re enjoying each other’s company and laughing a lot. 

Given that I suck at dating and just don’t know how to do it, I won’t be dating anyone else during this time of “the unknown”.  I guess it’s just a guilty conscience… How could I have a great Friday night dinner with him, and then go have a great Saturday night dinner with someone else?
At this point, even though it may put me in a very vulnerable situation, I think risking the chance of getting hurt again is worth the reward if it means we could be happy together again.

To be continued…

** Pictures of my wonderful friends below (because they love being on my blog J)





LOVE you girls!! xoxo


  1. Hmm, if you get back together then you're going to need a new direction for your blog. LOL

  2. Hahaha touche. I'll either need to become a really interesting person or somehow obtain consent to post our personal lives all over the internet.

    Although the latter would make for great blog posts, that might be the thing that ends our "personal life"..

    Ahh.. I guess that means I just need to go out and get a life.. Umm.. I mean.. get interesting.. ? :)

  3. I think getting back together will make for direction enough. It usually does.

  4. From my own personal experience the "getting back together" scenario never works out well. However, it usually depends on the reason why you broke up.

    From what I can tell, you broke up because you wanted different things in life. You may say he just got freaked out by the talk of kids and settling down, but to be honest, that wasn't it.

    After three years of being in a domesticated relationship he should have been able to express his lack of readiness for the further steps a relationship takes. The fact he is talking to you again after 4 months is a sign that he misses you, not that he has changed. I don't know the full story but I can tell you that, as a guy, if I was dating a girl for three years and broke up with her, it would be more then being "freaked out" by future talk. Three years already means he was commited, so it wasn't a fear of commitment that drove him off. It wasn't the idea of intertwining your lives because you were already pretty intertwined. I think his reason of breaking up because of the future talk is bogus. It's a cop out break up excuse, one that I've used before.

    Be careful.

  5. @Bathwater - Agreed. I think I can ride this out a little longer.. I'm sure there are going to be some interesting things that will happen when I least expect it..

    @NTH - Ya, I totally hear what you're saying... He WAS already committed, right?
    I told him the other night that eventually he's going to have a lot of hard questions that he's going to have to answer... To be honest, right now I'm just hoping that I'm the exception to the rule.. Not the rule itself..

  6. I don't think it is just him that needs to be asked some hard questions. Take a look at yourself as well. Do you want to get back together with him? If the answer is yes, Why? Is it love? Familiarity? How important is settling down? If he isn't ready, how long will you wait? Figure out what you want first. Then figure out if he meets your needs. If he does go for it, if not don't.

  7. Listen to NTH. Girls always try to take a tough stance on get-back-togethers, and men go along so they can get some 'regular' again. It'll end up being the same as it was after 3 years, with a little "oh this is new and fun again!" to start it off. Don't fall for it.

    Your friends are right. And hot. Especially Palla.