Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Dear Diary

Diary of a 6-year old

Dear Diary,
Today was good. Mom let me ware my new barete and even put my hair in 2 pigtails. Yes yes yes I love pigtails! The bad stuff about today was I was on the swings at resses and mary was pushing me relly relly high and I was having SO much fun then I got of and mary and me went 2 to the sand boxs and tommy and all his gross frends were there and tommy ran over and puled my pigtails and then my haire lookd bad and my barete came out and I cryed.  When I got home mommmy told me that tommy likes me cos he pulleded my hair and thats how you no that boys like you.  But if he likes me how come he pulled my hair?

Diary of a 16-year old

Dear Diary,
OMG OMG OMG Jake is a TOTAL asshole! I cannot believe that I ever liked him! WTF?!  And Steph?? Total slut.  She totally knew that Jake and I were texting and stuff and that at that party last weekend, when I drank wayyy too many vodka/OJ’s, I actually grew a pair and kissed him.  ANNND she knew that he kissed me back!  Then we were kinda hanging out all night and kissing and I thought that this had some real potential.  Jake is so cool.  He’s so grown up (well, he IS a senior!! J J J)   He was wearing American Eagle jeans and had a belt that had a bottle opener on it (!!),  and had his plaid shirt half tucked and was drinking Coors Light… swoon..!
So anyways, Steph totally knows all this, and she ALSO knows that since Monday, Jake has not even talked to me.. Like, he’s pretty cool and pretty popular and I know he’s got a lot of friends and stuff and can’t say hi to everyone in the hall, but whatever, I just knew that he was going to talk to me to today. UNTIL I saw him during 3rd period making out with Steph in the hall!! I didn’t know what to do. I froze.  Then I guess they saw me when they came up for air (puke), and when we made eye contact, I ran. Like a baby.  As if!!!!! I totally should have told them both to go screw themselves!
THEN, at the end of the day and I’m waiting for the bus behind the school, Jake comes over to talk to me.  He told me that he was only doing that to make me jealous and how come I never talked to him this week? And that he’s having a party this weekend and we wants ME to go!!  Yes!!

Diary of a 26-year old

Dear Diary,
Sometimes I just don’t understand Jonathan.  We’ve been together for long enough that he should want to move in with me.  I don’t want to put any more pressure on him and push him away, but I’m ready to move on to the next step.  It’s strange.  It’s like he wants to still hang on to his youth and not grow up.  He still lives with roommates!  And it’s really not a big deal.. Until he has a serious girlfriend for two years.  Then it just becomes a nuisance.  Does he not want space? Privacy? 
I know that he wants to be with me.  He does really nice things and has introduced me to all his family and friends, and we talk about the future and where we should go on vacation next year.  But when we talk about anything involving the two of us moving in together, or getting married, he completely clams up! Why? It’s not like he’s 23 or anything.. He’s pushing 30!
I just don’t understand.  What do I do?  Does he just want to be with me right now? He says, no of course not; he definitely sees me in his future. 
I don’t know.

If it’s true that men are such beasts, this must account for the fact that most women are animal lovers. ~ Doris Day


  1. I laughed out loud during the second letter.

    I wish I could help out with the inside of a guys head but honestly I'm beginning to realize I'm not like most guys.

  2. I remember feeling every single one of these...

  3. NTH - To be honest, that one was really fun to write; I couldn't help but laugh out loud while I was putting it together.. mainly cause it's pretty typical. I took the triple smiley face from a text that my neighbour's teenage daughter sent me.. So there is no exaggeration there!

    Denise - Me too.. And they say WOMEN are confusing!