Tuesday, September 28, 2010

A Path to Self Discovery...

So with all these “challenges” so far under my belt, I thought it would be a good time to do some self reflection.  Knowing that I’ve got through some embarrassing/awkward/feel-good experiences has given me an increased sense of determination to get to where I want to go; figuring out who I am and what I want. 

Now, before I go and follow the Dr.Phil plan or anything like that, I thought I would first do things my way and try to figure out whatever I could on my own before starting any sort of workbook.

I thought I’d start off with something that may seem pretty simple to a lot of people.  I started with a “Like/Dislike” list.  I literally wrote down everything that I could think of that I liked (from food, to looks, to feelings, and seasons).   I then wrote down all the things that I don’t like, using the same random format. I was actually surprised to see how my list came out.  A lot of people tell me that I play the devil’s advocate which is true, but I thought that made a little more of a negative person…  Turns out my “like’s” outweigh by “dislikes” times 3! After putting these things down on paper, I literally thought to myself, why do you stress over the small stuff so much??  There are so many more things that you like and enjoy in this world, than things that you don’t.  I have to say, that actually putting into words, and seeing before me what is in this world that makes me happy and makes me sad, gives me a feel-good feeling.

My second attempt at an exercise to try to get to know myself came about by accident.  I was out at lunch with a friend and we got to talking about relationships and the good, bad, and ugly.  We started talking about what we each other thought were “deal breakers” and “deal makers”.  A lot of people can tell you what they don’t want in a person… smoker, drug user, short person, a drinker, etc. etc.  But do you know what you do want in a person?  It’s not as easy to just take the opposite of what you don’t want…  It’s the little things that you want, right? The things that aren’t as easy to put into words?  I challenge you to put them into words.  It was more difficult for me than I thought it would be… is it for you?

This conversation inevitably led to the question… Well, since you made a list of things that you want and don’t want in a partner, what are the things, both good and bad, that you bring to the table?  Well, well, well…. At that point in the conversation, I could rhyme off a number of negative things that I bring to the table, but the first thoughts that came to my mind when asked about the good things I brought, consisted of things that two people create together (ie: love, companionship, family, etc.).  What exactly was it that I brought to the table, on my own, that would lend itself to a happy, healthy, relationship?  Unfortunately, at that moment, I couldn’t think of a thing! (** Which only proves why I should be on a path to self discoveryJ)  Fortunately, the food came, and that particular topic of conversation fell to the wayside. 
It did not however, fall out of my thoughts.  I will admit, that I am still working on that list, and it’s not being completed in one day. But my hope is that the more I learn about who I am, through being in new situations, experiences different things, and focusing on myself, I’ll be able to put together a list, not of who I’m expected to be, or who I think I am, but a list of who I truly am and what qualities I possess.

Then I'll bring them to the table.

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